Amanda Felt Like An Object, Not A Real Person

By Rev. Dean Weber, Chaplain
Mary Kendall Campus

Amanda had just recently arrived at the Children's Home in our Girls' Residential Facility. The anger in her voice was a marked contrast to the physical person. At age 16, Amanda was undeniably beautiful, yet seething inside with hatred.

Amanda learned early in life that being physically attractive would bring on problems that her mother chose not to believe, even when confronted with the ugly reality.

In the first session getting acquainted with Amanda's story, she said, “I’ve been treated as just a thing, an object, for as long as I can remember. I can’t imagine what it would be like to feel like a real person.” As she spoke, her teeth clinched, her face twisted in anger, and her eyes glazed with pain.

From her earliest memories, Amanda could remember several adults who were supposed to protect and take care of her, but who, instead, physically and sexually abused her on a regular basis. Her life was a string of pain and anguish, unexpressed rage and belligerence towards her abusers.

Her wealthy aunt would take seven year-old Amanda to expensive stores. She insisted they shop for pretty clothes. Purchasing the new clothes forced Amanda to be in the dressing room alone with her Aunt’s leering eyes…and the degradation would begin.

They would leave the store with fancy new clothes in shiny boxes. Amanda's stomach would be reeling from inappropriate touching. More than once, Amanda was overcome with nausea and she became sick in the parking lot before getting the car. One time Amanda was spanked for throwing up on her Aunt’s expensive shoes.

There was her step-father—well-respected in the community and at church—who waited until Amanda’s mother was away. Even at age ten, Amanda knew it was wrong. Behind Amanda’s fragile smile she was screaming at him.

When Amanda finally got enough courage to tell her mother about what her step-father was doing, her mother slapped her and told her she must be causing him to act that way. She told Amanda to stop acting like a ‘little tramp’.

Then there was the Junior-High school teacher who told Amanda’s mother that she needed ‘extra tutoring’ in his classroom after school. He told Amanda that it was her fault that he wanted to do improper things.

By her teen years, Amanda learned she was just an object—a pretty thing to be used. Then Amanda arrived at the Methodist Children's Home, at a boiling point, without self-esteem, and lacking any trust with adults. She prevented herself from having anything but the most superficial relationships with anyone. Pretty on the outside, she was a raging volcano on the inside.

After hearing her story, I sat there stunned. It is unthinkable to imagine the horrors that some of our young people go through. We can’t change what has happened to you in the past,” I replied, “all we can do is help you heal from the pain—so you can have a happier future.”

She sighed loudly and looked down. Then she smiled. I felt a sense of hope in the room.

For over a 136 years, the United Methodist Children’s Home has helped children like Amanda. We offer them knowledge of Jesus, and learning the love of God. This ministry exists because of the support of sympathetic and loving people like you, who know that all children and youth, like Amanda, need a chance for a healthy and wholesome life.